F1 Flops
April 24th 2007 01:59
Williams FW26
There was a collective gasp when the walrus-tusks of the FW26 were revealed early in 2004. Onlookers were both intrigued and slightly sickened by the sight of the new Williams’ vulgar, protruding nosecone, which was later found out to be the only way Williams could successfully get a twin-keel to work, and pass the FIA crash tests. A successful rhinoplasty job was completed later that season, and Williams were back with a normal looking car. Which won a race.
Coloni F1
A team that lasted four years when it should have lasted none. With a name that almost bordered on toilet humour, Coloni entered 81 Grands Prix from 1987 to 1991, and finished four of them. Most of the time, they didn’t even qualify; in fact, 67 times they failed to make the grid, or even pre-qualifying. However that never stopped them. After spending their final two years in F1 failing to qualify for every race, Coloni slinked back into lower formulae. Gotta give them credit though…they tried.
2005 US GP
Races where only six cars finish are usually fairly exciting…unless like in the case of the 2005 US GP, only six cars started. The now infamous row over Michelin tyres, safety and turn 14 at Indianapolis led to one of F1’s dullest, most inconceivably ridiculous races ever. How a field of 20 runners could be so easily reduced to 6 is still a vague mystery, but whatever the chain of events, the end result was a Ferrari 1-2, a podium for a Jordan and a whole lotta angry, sunburnt racefans.
McLaren MP4-18
McLaren got everyone with this one. A hoax, no doubt… well it had to be didn’t it? With over a year’s worth of development and Adrian Newey’s blood, sweat and tears (lots of them I bet), the MP4-18 was expected to be able to not only blitz the 2004 WCC, but also to carry Kimi Raikkonen and David Coulthard straight to the moon. As it turned out, the car was far too advanced for feeble human minds and was binned. Well, actually it was slow, ultra-fragile and generally rubbish.
Eiffeland F1
The 1970s was an era in which F1 designers went simply berserk. Some ingenious, and innovative designs sprung up in the 70’s, such as the Tyrrell six-wheeler and the Brabham ‘fan-car’, but then there were the weirdos, like Eiffeland. Eccentric Swiss designer Luigi Colami, was drafted by caravan salesman, Gunther Henerici to create a car to compete in F1. Curve-loving Colami had experience in designing sportscars, but had also designed furniture, cosmetics, glasses, cameras, pens, headphones, microscopes, and a teapot, to name a few. Unsurprisingly, the 1972 Eiffelland Type 21 didn’t look like your average F1 car. With a swooping rear wing, a monocoque-mounted airbox and periscope-like mirror sitting smack bang in front of the driver, the Type 21 looked like a cross between a submarine and a
skateboard ramp. Despite Colami proudly proclaiming himself to be the only person on earth to truly understand aerodynamics, his car failed to produce enough downforce. Change after change took place and by Kyalami, the car was sporting a dinner-tray for a front wing. The car was reliable, and quick enough to qualify, but a lack of meaningful results soon had Henerici reaching for the abort button.
Nigel Mansell’s McLaren career
World Champion of 1992, and England’s most beloved moustache returned to F1 after a two year stint in America to race the French GP, and the remaining three races on the 1994 calendar in David Coulthard’s Williams. He won the final race of the season, prompting Ron Dennis to coax Nigel into another season, this time with McLaren. However all the hype and excitement was somewhat quashed by Mansell’s girth, which was unable to comfortably fit inside the car. But with a special XXL cockpit, Nige was back in action again in Imola, finishing a disappointing tenth, and then following a retirement in Spain two weeks later, Nige dropped his letter of resignation on Dennis’ desk, and plodded away from F1 for good.
Amon F1
Chris Amon is often referred to as the best driver never to have won a race. With that sort of luckless charm about you, running your own F1 operation will always fail. Even Alain Prost, winner of 51 grands prix couldn’t make it work, so a winless Kiwi stood no hope. Amon F1 was a disaster. It began in 1974 with a scrappy collection of Australian and New Zealander mechanics and the odd British engineer. They produced the AF101, a sky blue, square nightmare. With a shoestring budget the team could only afford to race at a few circuits. In fact. its best result from five entries, was to last a whole 22 laps before falling to bits. The most heartbreaking thing about the project wasn’t that the car was a piece of crap, but the fact that had Amon not have ventured down this road, he could have won in any pick of a Ferrari, Brabham or McLaren, each of whom had approached him to race the 1974 season. Ouch.
BAR’s Debut
Former ski instructor, Craig Pollock brashly bragged about his BAR team's debut season, before the 1999 season had even begun. He believed BAR was a ‘superteam’. With British American Tobacco’s vast monetary support, Reynard motorsport expertise, ex-world champion Jacques Villeneuve and a young talent in Ricardo Zonta, Pollock claimed that the dual-liveried (read: ugly) BAR’s would win the first race. If by ‘win’, Pollock meant ‘double-retirement’, then he was spot on. And if BAR’s slogan “a tradition of excellence” actually meant “finish behind Minardi in the Championship”, then they were dead right again.
Nigel Mansell’s 1991 Canadian GP:
In 1991, Nigel Mansell took it upon himself to be the one to challenge Ayrton Senna for the title. Mansell, driving for Williams, had watched Senna dominate the first three rounds of the season, and in Canada, he put in a strong drive to win…well almost. Basking in his own glory, with a huge lead, Mansell proceeded to wave to fans on the final lap of the race. In the process of this rather haughty gesture, Mansell’s big paw accidently hit the ignition kill switch in his cockpit. His Williams ground to a halt, with the waving chequer in sight. Arch-rival, Nelson Piquet trundled up and took the win, graciously thanking Nige for being such a dunderhead.
Honda’s Earth Car: 2007
This is a flop in the making, and there may still be hope on the horizon, but for now things are looking grim for Honda (who happen to have the horizon painted on their car). Testing never looked promising for Honda in early 2007, but with former Spice Girl promoter, Simon Fuller on their side, they had a secret up their sleeve. The new RA107 was to have the earth painted on it, in order to promote Honda’s environmental image. Fans were hesitant to applaud the bold move, realising that petrol-guzzling motor racing isn’t exactly Mother Earth’s
favourite sport. Still, while the jury is still out for many regarding the ‘green’ livery, the performance of the car has been conclusive. Utterly, utterly hopeless. Drivers Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello have been absolutely nowhere near the points so far in 2007, and by now must have realised that driving a planet is not a good way to compete in F1.
Avert your eyes!
Coloni F1
DNPQ again shall we?
2005 US GP
The 2005 US GP err, grid
McLaren MP4-18
Revolutionary flop
McLaren got everyone with this one. A hoax, no doubt… well it had to be didn’t it? With over a year’s worth of development and Adrian Newey’s blood, sweat and tears (lots of them I bet), the MP4-18 was expected to be able to not only blitz the 2004 WCC, but also to carry Kimi Raikkonen and David Coulthard straight to the moon. As it turned out, the car was far too advanced for feeble human minds and was binned. Well, actually it was slow, ultra-fragile and generally rubbish.
Eiffeland F1
Periscope up!
The caterers wondered where their tea tray went
Nigel Mansell’s McLaren career
Mansell and McLaren - tight
Amon F1
Disaster wears baby blue
BAR’s Debut
Win? Try finishing first!
Nigel Mansell’s 1991 Canadian GP:
Derr, I dun bad
Honda’s Earth Car: 2007
The real Earth goes faster
Not so happy anymore
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